The Wedding of Dr. Jekyll

Before composers became too "cool," "hip," "minted," "souless," etc., the classical genre enjoyed a whimsical but immensely quotable pheneomenon known as the symphonic poem. Works such as Dukas's "The Sorcerer's Apprentice," Moussorgsky's "A Night on Bald Mountain," Grieg's "In the Hall of the Mountain King," and so forth have enjoyed great fame and instant pop culture recognition for their use in such diverse works as Walt Disney's Fantasia, Victor Fleming's The Wizard of Oz, and that dratted Alton Towers advert.

Somewhere in the ether drifted the great Frenchman (if there was one) Camille Saint-Saens. Famous during his lifetime for such pieces as his "Organ Symphony," (ripped off in Babe), the opera "Samson and Delilah," and his legendary tone poem "Danse Macabre," Saint-Saens was consigned to the gave with his most famous work still waiting to be unearthed. It was the thoroughly delightful "The Carnival of the Animals," unreleased through fears it would kibosh his serious reputation. Far from it, Cam, far from it...

The very nature of the symphonic poem allows it to be utilised in the medium of musical theatre, a nauseating breed of confetti-strewn arsewiping laser lightshows, manically leaping about in hysterical "look at me, look at me, look at ME!!!" fits as they wheeze out feeble blasts of thespic conceit and halfhearted melodramatics, falling to the floor like asthmatic ants suffering from heavy duty hernias.* Now there's a spot of pleonasm for you. Nevertheless, I have braved this insufferable genre in order to pay tribute to a truly great and still under appreciated composer. I do not claim to break any moulds - nor do I claim to hand out any refunds. I want only to make people laugh with classical music. That's right. You heard the words "laugh" and "classical" and "to" in the same sentence.

Don't ask me why the 20-minute show revolves around the wedding of Dr. Jekyll. I like classic horror, I like insufferable British humour as well, and I've long been wanting to dramatise The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (yep, another hollow pipedream), so I suppose it held vague logic somewhere along the line. The songs read thusly:

1. London Town (Introduction)
2. The Wedding March (The Royal March of the Lion)
3. Master Jekyll (Hens and Cocks)
4. Setting the Table (Wild Asses)
5. Love Burns On (Tortoises)
6. What a Pitiful Feast (The Elephant)
7. Toast to Science (Kangaroos)
8. Dark Underground Secrets (Aquarium)
9. Hyde Uncaged (Persons with Long Ears)
10. Peaceful Evening (The Cuckoo in the Depths of the Woods)
11. Day of Evil (Tropical Birds)
12. Hiding Hyde (Pianists)
13. Deeds of Cruelty and Violence (Fossils)
14. Love Extinguished (The Swan)
15. Flawed Autopsy (Finale)

Actually, that last number does sound a wee bit grim, but it's all in good, wholesome, twisted, family fun. Nevermind. Updates should be posted, but I can't vouch for that. Anybody who cares to bid for the directorial rights ought to post a comment. They ought to, they ought! Arrrrhghh!

* Christmas Schooner, sit up and take notice. And, yes. You were in competition with A Christmas Carol. How dare you usurp our revenue?