25 People I Must Meet!

1. Boris Karloff (How did you become so cool?)
2. Peter Cushing (Tell me something about God, and then Frankenstein.)
3. Stephen Fry (Hasn't you brain exploded yet? Thank you for Moab is my Washpot.)
4. Alec Guinness (Are you really the world's only respected actor who didn't go to RADA?)
5. Bela Lugosi (Typecasting? Me! Too!)
6. Claude Rains (Here's a tape recorder. Now, read from that telephone directory. I'll be rich soon.)
7. Charles Laughton (Cheer up, Charlie. And take that twnety-pound hump off.)
8. George Zucco (Why does nobody know who you are except Greg Mank and I?)
9. Alfred Hitchcock (How did you go forty-seven years without smiling?)
10. Vincent Price (Enough said.)
11. Simon Callow (Where on earth did you get that bouffant? And learn to write so very well?)
12. Joseph Merrick (Sick of all the pity? I have friendship to offer!)
13. Christopher Lee (I won't mention Dracula, but I'll make you as many cups of Earl Grey as you like.)
14. Henry Daniell (You made body snatching and chopping fingers off look positively cool.)
15. Alistair Sim (You put all other Scrooges to shame. You are the king.)
16. Bette Davis (Bloody hell, you did well for yourself. Deservedly, of course.)
17. Lon Chaney, Sr. (You suffered beyond compare to entertain the world. And it payed off!)
18. Carole Shelley (Hey-hey! A worthwhile character actress who isn't Meryl Streep!)
19. James Earl Jones (Do the voice, do the voice, do the voice, do the voice...)
20. Tod Slaughter (You are the definition of ham. A shining beacon to all!)
21. Richard Griffiths (See you in London. I'll bring my mobile phone.)
22. Greg Mank (How do you go about becoming the world's greatest film historian?)
23. David J. Skal (I want a slide lecture! Posthaste!)
24. Tom Weaver (You are so putting an audio commentary on all my DVDs.)
25. Miriam Margolyes (Sorry for saying you look like James Davies so much. You do.)

Fifteen of you are, kind of, y'know, uhm, well, how shall I put this... DEAD, so I'll be seeing you at the Pearly Gates. Another incentive to be good.

Video Collection

Well, here's a treat for all concerned! A proverbial clip show of old news! Shoving my souped-up slideshows on to your monitor! Enjoy and despair at their ludicrous crudeness. Sincere apologies for poor sound quality (they work best with headphones). If I only placed a small piece of netting in front of the mic... but no. I'm far too important. From now on, any further video monstrosities will be relegated to my blog.

Chapter One: Hut on the Rock
This one was fun to do, but constitutes something of a public service as well. The sooner that people recognise and acknowledge the Rubeus Hagrid/Ghost of Christmas Present/Lauren Girling hate triangle, the sooner we'll all be saved from nuclear warfare. And at 702 views so far, the public is getting the message! Ratings have been pretty decent so far too. This is the one with such classic moments as the cardboard cutout, the Grace-inspired stage directions and the Christmas Schooner/Christmas Carol riffs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKgmbc9EXeo

Chapter Two: Trains and Trolleys
Personally speaking, I find this much funnier than part one. It has the insane tea lady, Ron Weasley catching fire, Judi Dench and Dumbledore keeling over. It may be a little too surreal for anyone not fully in on the joke... no, wait, avant-garde. So my question is who favourited it and pushed a five-star-rating? Chances are that there's somebody as sick as me out there. Then again, maybe Davies has a YouTube account and has been posting videos of himself in a cocktail dress. He keeps a crowbar in his garter, he does.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eo4q5aWE-Co

The Phantom Lament
This was posted in an underpublicised moment of inspiration when I realised I hadn't done any real acting in months. I slapped this together to ease that troubling thought. It uses Erik's extended monologue from one of my favourite books, Gaston Leroux's 1911 The Phantom of the Opera and images from one of my favourite films, the 1925 silent flick with the great Lon Chaney. The ghoulish makeup holds up very well, I think. I could pick holes in my overwrought performance here till Judgement Day, but overall I think it's rather good and something I'm proud to thrust in your general direction. Very few Emos could top this outpour. I'm bargaining on doing a one-man version of A Christmas Carol at some point, which will be amusing. The most excellent point about Phantom is that it comes with a built-in fanbase. I was inundated with pleasant e-mails and good ratings (and have been viewed and favourited a lot), with none of the usual panning and death threats. Here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykcGE9Ba6m0